Why do they call Tiger Woods an athlete? Golf is not a sport. Golf is a game of skill.

I’m sorry, but if you can go from the field of play to a restaurant for lunch and nobody notices that you didn’t change your clothes, you’re not an athlete. If you’re given a choice of walking the course or driving an electric cart and walking is the most exercise you’ll get that day, you are not an athlete… you’re a senior citizen! You’re not an athlete if an injury timeout comes as a result of a paper cut from your scorecard. And if the only player to player contact comes as a result of a fist bump, you’re not an athlete. Also, you can’t consider golf a sport if the only person who comes into contact with the ball is a member of the gallery.

They’re making a big deal out of the fact that Tiger Woods played a round of golf with a fractured leg. Hell, I walked on a broken hip for a week. Where’s my ESPY award?

And while we’re at it, it’s time to straighten out ESPN on what is and is not a sport. Football, basketball, baseball, hockey and women’s beach volleyball are sports (by the way, we can never get enough of that last one). Billiards, bowling and poker are not sports. Anytime you can be served a beer by a cute girl in a short skirt while you’re playing, you’re not playing a sport… you’re on vacation! You’re not an athlete if the only sweat you work up is from the hot television lights.

If you really want to give validity to Tiger Woods’ “athlete” status, let him play golf with graphite clubs in the middle of a thunder and lightning storm. If he can survive that, I’ll be the first to come forward and call him the greatest athlete of all time.