Hi, my name is Mark I. Jacobson and I’m here with my good friend, Ariann Black.
Now, Mark, you’ve had a long career as a writer and I’ve been performing magic all over the world.
I think between the two of us, we have definitely heard it all.
I remember one day we had a conversation about stupid things that people say.
Well, yeah, we did and we realized that there was a whole lot we could talk about because, you know what?
People say a lot of stupid things.
Do a lot of stupid things, too.
Let’s talk about some of them.
It is. Again, stupid shit that people say we’re due.
Yeah, I mean, going back to Europe, you play with dolls.
Yeah, you played with dolls because you’re a girl.
Yeah.
But guess what?
I hate to burst your rubble, folks.
But one of the biggest selling toys when I was growing up for boys was GI Joe, which…
Is a doll?
Is a doll?
Yeah.
So, but we didn’t see it that way. The girl played with dolls, the boy played with GI Joe.
Yeah.
There’s…
And yet, if a boy played with an easy big oven, what’s wrong with him?
If that same boy grows up to be a five star chef, wow.
Yeah.
And nobody thinks that.
Nobody. Nobody thinks that.
Nobody questions those things because a five star chef, people don’t think of a woman as five star chef.
No, they think of chefs as men.
Right.
But if that’s the…
So, you know, there is this huge disconnect that leads to, like, we’re talking about, stupid shit that people say or do.
And it’s because of a disconnect that we hold on a second.
My computer is trying to tell me that I’m…
And you don’t know how to deal with that. You’re a woman.
Tell me about it.
That’s what I have you for.
That’s right.
You need me around to tell you how your computer is doing.
Because I’m a guy.
We know that stuff.
We don’t even have to learn it.
It’s hardwired.
Now, of course it is.
You know, I know about it.
You know, and you know when I learned it?
I learned all this computer stuff, almost instantaneously, because when I was about eight years old,
I decided to see what would happen if you stuck a body pin into an outlet.
And found out.
Not a pleasant thing, but…
And you all about computers right after that.
It’s just amazing how that worked.
And you still have all your fingers and toes.
That’s…
Yes.
It kind of threw me off the chair.
I was…
Yeah.
But I learned computers because of that.
It was almost instantaneously.
It’s like the electricity went into me because I’m a guy.
Uh-huh.
And it taught me all about computers.
Because computers weren’t around when you were that age.
No, they weren’t.
But I knew they…
I knew they were coming after I stuck that body pin into the outlet.
It was just amazing already.
Okay, so you tapped into the universal…
Oh, yeah.
It would have killed you.
But for me…
For me, it made me like a tech guy.
It was amazing.
Yeah, actually, I’m just being silly here.
You know, it’s just…
I don’t know.
People all the time, people say…
I don’t know a long time ago.
Uh, because I’m uncrushed.
And somebody walked up to me and said…
And put out their hand.
And before I could do anything, they said, “Can you shake?”
So I stood there and shook.
[laughs]
Yeah.
So, you know, it was like…
Talking about stupid things, people have these preconceived notions…
of what you are and what you…
just from what they see.
You know, what’s one of the weirdest preconceived notions is that people with disabilities
have a lesser intelligence.
And yet, one of the smartest men in the world was in a wheelchair.
Yeah, but then I got out.
So that doesn’t really count.
Because, you know…
I’m thinking of the one in England, you know.
Oh, right, that guy.
Yeah.
He’s not around anymore.
So, you know, you can fill the void.
Yeah, but he was cool.
He had this keyboard in the middle.
He was cool.
Yeah, he could…
I love these boys.
You know, oh!
So there is now a charity where you donate your voice.
Yeah.
So that people can have a distinct voice instead of the same computer voice that he had.
Did you know that?
No, that would have been cool.
Yeah.
I did not know that.
I don’t know if they particularly want my voice.
You know, they need all sorts of people, all sorts of vocal tones and stuff.
Because it’s for, you know, anyone and everyone that needs that kind of voice.
And they’re finding that by giving people a distinct voice.
It gives them…
Not…
It doesn’t give them the personality, but it helps them say, “This is part of my personality.”
Just like, “My voice is distinct to me.
It is part of who I am.”
But if you have a generic voice, people look at you generically.
Well, that’s true, but there’s also another factor.
What we hear as our voice is and what other people hear as our voice.
I mean, we’re not quite sure what that is.
That’s why, once you edit this, I will not listen to it because I hate the sound of my voice.
Well, I mean, and I see I hear my voice.
I don’t hear it really high, but I hear it higher than other people hear it.
Interesting.
Because people have told me that my voice is really relaxing.
And if I were listening to the voice that I’m hearing while I’m talking to you,
I’m not sure I would find that relaxing.
Well, I try not to listen to…
I can do a relaxing voice too.
It really…
I can do my very right.
You’re like, “How do my parents…
Is he keeping me on?
I’m going to do a very right.”
I think you should do your berry white.
Oh, good.
Yeah.
It’s not a very good one.
I never said it was good.
I just said I could do it.
But no.
That sounds kind of…
See, the funny thing is, we want to live in a world where we don’t want to interact with humans,
but we want what we interact with to be human.
I want to interact with humans.
I don’t know about you.
See, I don’t.
Or the one that doesn’t want to interact with humans.
No.
I do.
I…
And I think it’s because I was on stage for so long.
I…
You know, I get a certain amount of…
pleasure from interacting with humans.
But…
I can only take so much of it.
And then I’m like, “Okay, I’ve got to go.”
Well, here’s the thing.
I’m like, “I’m like a small-talk.”
And if I have to be small-talk, I’m going to ring or I don’t know people.
You know this is happening, but I turn into sarcastic mark.
But it’s…
A sarcastic mark where they don’t necessarily know I’m being sarcastic,
but I’m having a blast.
You know?
And that ends up being me.
I mean, I become sarcastic mark.
And in roomful people, if they’re asking stupid staff for, you know,
I just become…
I mean, if it’s people who are…
And I’m having a conversation with, that’s not the case.
But if they’re in a room, people are just asking all sorts of stupid staff and everything,
I just become sarcastic mark.
And they don’t even know it.
That’s the problem with sarcasm.
But I love it.
I know it’s happening.
Yeah.
You know?
But there are people that probably walked away from you going, “He is mean.”
They probably did.
And they probably didn’t know that I didn’t know your craft.
So, yeah.
So what is your favorite thing where you just roll your eyes and you go,
“Oh my God, I can’t believe that stupid chick just came out of your mouth.”
It’s going to be the number one thing that I think most people are going to say,
“But I have a different spin on it.”
I say it when it comes to politics.
When people start talking about politics,
and they are only talking about whatever side they’re on,
if they’re only talking about their side of politics as if nothing else exists,
Yeah.
That’s when…
And I don’t care.
I’m not taking sides and not saying one way or the other.
No, no.
Both sides do it.
I agree.
Because both sides do it.
And they do it all over the world.
They don’t only do it here.
Right.
Yeah.
And when they start doing that, I kind of just roll my eyes and kind of go,
“No, that doesn’t work with me because my basic thing,
I mean, let’s face it, I started out as a reporter.
I got my journalism degree, started out as a reporter,
went into magazine, feature writing and everything else.
But I love research.
And when I see something, I research it.
It doesn’t always go the way I wanted to go.
You know, I may say, “I want to arrive at this conclusion,
and I have to do it about a research.”
And I find out, “I ain’t going to arrive at that conclusion,
no matter how much I try.”
Right.
But that’s not the point.
So, hey, thanks for listening to Stupid Things People Say.
Now it’s your turn to tell us about the Stupid Things People Say.
And do, except that you switched the parts.
I thought, “Oh, wait a minute, that was you.”
“I’m me, you’re you. Gotta remember that.”
Again, Stupid Shit that people say at two.
So, I’d like to say, thanks for listening to Stupid Shit People Say.
Now it’s your turn to tell us about the Stupid Things People Say to You.
If you have unique and absolutely riveting stories,
you get a $10 Amazon gift card, and a thank you.
Really, the card is more important than thank you.
But if you have something to say, text us at 702 509 1424.
And don’t forget to keep coming back to our stories.
But Mark, I gotta run.
I have Stupid Shit to do.
Well, then, you do your stupid shit.
I’ll do my stupid shit, and we’ll talk later.
See ya. Bye.