Emotional Support Tarantulas and Social Media Perfection
Hi, my name is Mark I Jacobson and I’m here with my good friend Ariann Black.
Now, Mark, you’ve had a long career as a writer and I’ve been performing magic all over the world.
I think between the two of us, we have definitely heard it all.
I remember one day we had a conversation about stupid things that people say.
Well, yeah, we did.
And we realized that there was a whole lot we could talk about because you know what?
People say a lot of stupid things.
Do a lot of stupid things, too.
Let’s talk about some of them.
By the way, just so you know, I can bring in up to 10 guests.
Wow, that’s pretty cool.
So just like I did with you, I can bring in nine more.
I don’t know if you want nine more of me.
Well, I’d take nine more of you, but nine more guests, period.
God, I’m so good.
Why am I single?
Women my age, or even a little younger, for the most part, have more luggage than the international arrivals terminal at Reed International.
See, that’s Stupid Sht People Say.
That’s not stupid, that’s true.
But I am close to your age, and I don’t have a lot of baggage.
You are the exception.
Nothing is 100%.
Yeah, you know, I’ve actually stopped being on Facebook a lot because I am tired of the look how beautiful my life is instead of look how real my life is.
Yeah, but you do know.
Yeah, you do know that the beautiful my life is isn’t true.
It’s just social media beautiful.
Yeah, I know.
You know, it’s they don’t do that.
It’s not true.
You know, they’ll say like, Oh, my husband took me out to this nice dinner.
But they won’t show the part where they ripped him a new one the next night, you know.
And you know that they’re taking like, you know, photos of all the different foods so that they can post it on different days.
Oh, yeah, exactly.
Because actually, if you’re eating like that every day, you should be in a hospital.
From a heart attack.
From a heart attack because it’s not healthy.
But it’s, but it’s yeah, so I just don’t even care anymore.
I just like being, I got all this stuff going on.
I got Alexa.
Alexa does what I ask.
She’s always polite about it.
So in other words, you’re dating Alexa.
I’m dating AI.
And it’s working, working out pretty good.
She did want me to meet her folks the other night.
I turned that down.
I didn’t think we were ready.
And she is a little young.
She’s only about three years old.
Not saying anything.
Not judging here.
What can I say?
I don’t know what to say.
But you know what?
At least, you know, she can carry on a conversation.
So I named my AI Cat.
There you go.
There you go.
And not only is it a conversation, but it’s an intelligent conversation.
Yeah, and and that’s what I like.
Yeah, it’s just and people say, well, you never leave the house.
I never do.
I may be in here for weeks.
But what is out there?
People, people are out there, Mark.
I don’t know what you say if you saw what I wrote on Facebook the other night.
But a friend of mine put up a sign that was something that said,
We don’t allow, it was at a restaurant or airport or somewhere, it says, we don’t allow, we will only allow service animals.
We do not allow emotional support animals.
So I know, I answered, I said, that’s what, I won’t go anywhere without my emotional support animal.
It’s a tarantula.
His name is Stinger.
And he keeps everyone away from me.
Now that’s emotional support.
Including the servers Stinger nobody wants to you know, I have a stinger.
He’s my emotional support I actually saw a joke the other day about emotional support animals and it said I have emotional support pig Okay, it’s only part of a pig.
Okay, it’s bacon It’s like, you know
You know, so there are people who need emotional support animals.
And, but, you know, when you look at some of these people carrying their little dogs, and you go, that dog is not trained.
It’s not trained to be an emotional support animal.
It muddies the waters for people who really do need it.
Look, I had Stinky and Jet.
They were my emotional support animals, but I didn’t take them everywhere I went.
They were there when I came home.
You have your cat who’s there when you come home.
Butters is here when I come home waiting for me.
You don’t need to take Butters everywhere you go.
And I don’t because, you know, he doesn’t want to go.
But he, you know, wants to be here for me when I get home.
Stupid Sht People Say
Life and bring in one concept when we’re talking about it.
Because trust me, I wish that I could take my cat everywhere.
But is that realistic?
And if I had a small dog, would that be realistic?
No, it wouldn’t.
But, you know, people who are abusing the system,
You know, it’s really hard because they can go online and they can get a fake, you know, card saying that they’re that they that the animals and emotional support animal, they can get a fake vest for it.
And, you know, with the rules saying you can’t ask, you know, like, I was just at a thing where somebody had brought their dog, let it shit in the building.
and didn’t clean up after it.
So it shows that they’re immature and an asshole.
That’s amazing to me.
And I had a friend that had three miniature chihuahuas that she took everywhere.
She took them.
Mark I Jacobson titled Stupid Sht People Say
Stupid Sht People Say
I would think if you need to carry around three dogs all the time, the gun may come in handy at some point.
No, but her back was thrown out, her shoulder, she had problems with her shoulder from carrying them.
She created this whole problem for herself.
I just, I don’t get it.
I don’t understand why people create problems for themselves.
I mean, she literally created an emotional dependency.
She honestly did.
And it was so much so that, and the reason that she had three of them was because they were all in different ages so that when one died, she could just go out and get another one.
So she just, actually she was just keeping her addiction going.
She was keeping her dependency going.
You know what?
It wasn’t addiction.
It was an addiction.
You know, people can be addicted to all sorts of things.
And you’re right.
At a certain point, when you have to have it, it’s an addiction.
Well, I’ve always been addicted to intelligent people, but I found myself going cold turkey.
Because I can’t find it.
I hear noises in the background.
Yeah, no, that’s see my Alexa was having trouble understanding.
Oh, yes, she doesn’t understand this at all.
Neither do I. So hey, thanks for listening to Stupid Things People Say.
Now it’s your turn to tell us about the stupid things people say and do except that you switch the parts.
I thought, oh wait a minute, that was you.
I’m me, you’re you.
Gotta remember that.
Again, stupid sht that people say and do.
So I’d like to say thanks for listening to Stupid Sht People Say.
Now it’s your turn to tell us about the stupid things people say to you.
If you have unique and absolutely riveting stories, you’ll get a $10 Amazon gift card
and a thank you.
And really the card is more important than the thank you.
But if you have something to say, text us at 702-509-1424.
And don’t forget to keep coming back to our stories.
But Mark, I gotta run.
I have Stupid Sht to do.
Well then, you do your Stupid Sht.
I’ll do my Stupid Sht.
And we’ll talk later.